the endi trust you with my burning tearsand with all the secrets that I have kepti give them to you for all hope is now gonethe fears have overcome my lifeguilt is now my overwhelming enemymemories of sunsets are forever fadingi embrace the dark as an ever present loverthis embrace of yours sears my soul to the coremy end is now rapidly approachingthere is little left for me to do nowafter all that I've tried for all these yearsit seems like a poor excuse of a lifewhen it is finally over I will still not be at peacemy soul will be condemned to wander eternallyto seek forgiveness from those that I have harmedfrom loves lost and promises that I made that were brokeni drop to my knees and scream at the sky and shoutremove this burden and let me finally be at peace
wheresome of us laughsome of us cryothers ignoreuntil one of us diesthe dark turns to lightclouds move awayrays of lightilluminate the waythe path that was chosen
holidays and hell daysholidays are hell daysthe things that wereperpetrated against mewhile at the very leastwere criminal actsbut more importantlythey removed allhappiness from my lifebeing molested and yesraped on every singleholiday and birthdayfor a four year periodeliminated anything joyousfrom my entire beingi now find excuses to spendsuch days alone with my tearsmy fears and my angeri cannot feel like you dochristmas holds no specialappeal as does new yearseaster is but a time of painand birthdays are days of horrori am and always will be alonemy year holds but 365 daysand none of them are specialthey may be especially painfulbut that is about it they arejust another day for toacknowledge them would beto let him win and by not acknowledgingthem i let him win anywayso my options are to put ona false face and die insideor to just lock myself awayuntil the joyous occasion haspassed beyond existence
Battle Lifeas i sit and enjoy my coffeein the stillness of predawn hoursmy mind suddenly slips into nothingnesswhere it wanders to i haven't a clueIt is in the stillness,when my mind is allowed to roamthat i find myself thinking backto times not acknowledged in the waking hoursbut it is the time not acknowledgedwhich gives me cause to pausefor memories of the past are plagueand i wish not to suffer from themDays gone by, the battlefield,my mind, the perfect enemy,thoughts and feelings attackfrom every corner of my mind.memories are what frightens mei know not what lurks in those cornersshall i embrace this fine madnessor should i just drown the memoriesThe onslaught of attacktorrents my stream of consciousness,so, in defeat, I retreat into my head;there I wait until I am strong once more.
Longing for GraceChaining you downI see your eyes dilateI see your muscles tenseI see everything I want in front of meBut I can not have any of itAll that is within my grasp is but airUnseen forces are holding me back from youI see everything I want in front of meMy vision is messed upNot what it once wasMy need for you has increasedDespite my unwillingness to make you mineI feel the restraints that are holding me backA dense fog clouds my visionThere is a hunger for you that I have not felt in agesAnd I am not willing to succumb to these devicesI don't want to want youAs much as I doI want you to want meFor you to feel this feeling tooMy hunger for you is voraciousAll I need is to hold you within my armsOur bodies pressed together as oneMy whole being aches to be yoursAnd then when you give inAnd press your lips to mineI know that you love meYou were just pretending all this timeMy mind and body are not oneThough our lips are locked togetherMy body is screaming out yesBu
confusioni've finally made up my mindmaybe notis this what they call insanitybipolar maybeand this is my normali want to be alonei hate to be alonei can't stand the silencei need the silenceis this what they call insanitybipolar maybeand this my normali know what i wanti'm not surei'm upi'm downi'm all aroundi'm here i'm therei'm every whereis this what they call insanitybipolar maybeand this is my normali'm calmi'm uneasyi trust youi don't trust you...
a ravaged heartoncethere was a soul insidesomething to keepthe shell togetherbut that's been deadfor a long time nowand any vestigesof hold that once werethey are now goneand there is nothing leftto keep me from falling to piecesso my skin rips itself apartto show what little remains insideit solely consists of asmall, frozen and broken heartit used to be a human hearta heart like any otherhere lies what happensto a heart in the real mortal world
some call her Xactoher bodyso long and slenderfits perfectly in my handshe comeswith many differenttypes of bladesshe livesin a comfortablepadded wooden boxshe likeswhen i take her outfor our special datesshe alwaysis prepared for anythinglines, curves or wordsshe ismeticulous abouther cutting edgesshe takegreat pridein her appearanceshe hatesher given name Xactoi call her Opheliashe onlyspeaks to meshe ignores the rest of the worldshe willcompliment meon a job well doneshe saysthat my blood is likea fine wine sweet yet mellowshe hasnever broken a promise to meunlike most of the other womenshe isperfect in all manner and formshe is my Opheliaand I'll never leave her
the sun ... my enemythe sunmy enemyrecharges my mindmy thoughtsbegin to raceway beyond their normthe sunmy enemyrecharges my illnessi begin to shakemy hands tremblei can't focusthe sunmy enemyrecharges my nightmaresi can no longersleep to dreambut i sleep to screamthe sunmy enemyrecharges the urgesi fight to control themand all there nasty thoughtsof death and harmthe sunmy enemyrecharges my death wishsuicidal ideationsplaque every waking momentthe tools of destruction are handythe sunmy enemyrecharges the painpain so intolerablethat I wish to perishto wither awaythe sunmy enemyis also my friend
My Personal PreferenceI don’t careFor pretty heartsI like the onesThat are scarredStitchedAnd taped togetherBecause those are the onesWho have been through HellAnd have the courageTo keep beating
asteroidi.she is an asteroid,collisions coilingthrough belted dressesthat skim past stomachand smoothe her flawsand soothe her faults.an axis awakening;bend like this, flex like that,aspiration reminding herwith angry rotationsthat she is still presentin her heavy astrosphere.ii.she is seeking absolution,absolut and freefallenshe flirts with the night-club lights like aurora floatingjust out of reachunder an ashen skyatlas stained with atlantic salt,there is no hall unmarkedand these nights segueinto self-imposedalcho-asthenia.iii.she strips her face acousticno make-up, no need to wake upan hour early for this adagioaddiction to adding,always adding more to her skinto hide the parts thatgasp and poison her visionlike asp assassins.be quick or be dead,she moves so slow.iv.she measures minutesby an aftershock timeline;stunned autumnal by brickscrushed to powder,always underfootshe's stuck between the faultsas they line straight through her world;iv pie
TiredI'm so very tiredOf this daily routineAlways the same thingDay after dayLife is greyAs dull and boringAs it can getWhat happened to my dreams?What happened to my passion?Why can't I liveInstead of just surviving?
the things we cannot knowand darling, there are thingsi never told you; like howi blessed you while you were sleepingin the hour before the end -asked the universe to watch over youand conspire towards your happiness, towards you,covered you with be brave's andgoodness and mercy and light,fingers touching your spinelike a rosary---and my darling, time is a flat circleso you are still sitting at my kitchen table,still asleep with your head on my breast;we have already come together like waves,repeatedly, and dark against the sky;you have yet to walk through the july nightto kiss me on a crumbling riverbank;i have yet to know if i will see you again,and how and where, and when
Life Hides Lovethe whisper below your wordsis your soul telling methat you're starving itthat the end of infinitycan't come quickly enoughand i whisper back, my dear,that life hides love deeplyin the most painful of placesthat love finds its waythrough the mazenot by looking for lightor dark, but bybalancing and buildingboth into somethingtall and climbable, yetlow and comfortableso when curious eyes risepeer over the wallsand realize the labyrinthstretches into forever,there's something softbetween you and the groundto catch youwhen you let golove is bigger, sharpersofter than what any selvescan want or needit's our all-scentionthrough, above and below wallswithout ever leaving them, it'sour becoming a stationof peace along the way
untitled (broken records don't have names)my fingers flutter sunrise butterflies,floating in the morningas it breaks through the gloomthat came post-gloaming.but i confess,i have no graspon what to do with daylightthese days.you were a drop of sunlightreflected in my cloudy-sky eyeseventually you became toogood for me, and i gave upmy waxed wings are still intact, butmy shoulders are too sore fromcarrying this deadweight with anobnoxious, obstinate heartbeatand how are you faring this golden afternoon?you will never answer and yetmy mind loops broken records,asking as if you could hear.light halos the plain beneath my feetbut i shy away from sunshine,an icarus-inherited fear of fallingor just ofletting go.because we were supposed tobe something beautiful, somethingworth falling for(or you were, at least, and there isno way to ask if you fell hard enough)but shattered cds still lie on the floorcollecting the sunlight that idon't know what to do withbecause i can't spend it on you, anymore.listl
Masked Pain Masked Pain Bright eyes, big smile. sobs silenced in haste Bursts of laughter ring out tears stifled within Grab my hand lets dance while my soul drowns in sorrowWe'll jump and touch the skymy heart sinking... sinking ... This is gonna be a blast! don't mind my shattered heart. Can't you see I'm all smiles when really I'm crying inside We're 10 feet tall! though I feel 9 feet under Isn't this the best day ever? the pain seemed to go on forever I hope you had as much fun as I had. I can barely contain the turmoil inside Goodbye my friend, let's have fun again. Hurry! Leave! before you see my pain. Alone... I'm alone now.... Good... Let the mask fall......pain... all there is... is pain...
Vesuviuslone silhouette in an arctic expanse,suffocating del(e)rium, suffering the sound ofdearth, of deaththe deep breath of Thursday (wood day, would dayever come)white is still white in the cradle of nighttea party for one, brush of lips on white chinaa nib kisses white sheets andfreezesnot to savour, but to cling to eternity frozen in timebreathe in. breathe out. move.notes eruptshooting up, fire shoots though arteries(sp)utter with ashen hands and chokethrough wood smokecharcoal lines the abysseight letters blindsided Pompeii.
default dawns1.windshields floodedin aqueous lumensin ruminating half-startswe press our cartographscloser to human formswarm of failed livesand unweathered stormsgod help usas we bravelymourn2.solidify a circle of wry smilesthat verify our circuits are worthwhilefinal breaths can't be taken backand your tact won't serve you wellwhen your strained tendonsimpact the seabedno weeping here, lovethe salt does not providea place for confided truthor wasted youthor broken sternumsonly a terminusfor acidic sermonson proof3.look at my expert failureand tepid futuremy tea leavesget crushedin my molar massand swishin absinthe leaksbruise, you aremy sweetest endeavorand i sweari will maintainyour violet smirkand the brilliant ashof your charred grass skirt4.at this point i feel likesurvivingbut that has not alwaysbeen the casei wished you had destroyed me,broken both my legsand scoffed at my searingthe glory of a hallelujahfrom the comfort of dirt5.face flec
tired...its no usethis may bemy swan songthe last hurraheverything isnow headedin one directiona solutionall oflifes problemsare weighingme downno one toturn toand nowhereto gothe solutionseems simplejust put an endto all the pain